Sound the Bugle
by Kimi Bristow
Summary: Oneshot. Doctor's thoughts after he loses Rose. Songfic. If you must, add it as a prequel to A Way Back To Him. Not meant to be, but depends on your POV.


**Basically written to keep me sane. Both of my fics are on a sort of hiatus because I don't know where they're going. I found this song on my MP3 as I was watching Doomsday on my DVD player.  
****Review if you must, I don't mind criticism. If its about punctuation and structure of sentences, I don't have a BETA, don't want one, personally don't feel like I need one, I'm a loner and I hate it when people intrude on my writing with _you could have added a conjunction there, you don't need a comma there_. Basically I hate my teachers. **

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''NO!'' he screamed as Rose hurtled towards the breach, towards Hell. All he could hear was Rose's piercing scream, her death scream as she reached out towards him. Wishing he would grab hold of her and pull her to safety.

From out of nowhere, just as the breach began to shut down, Pete appeared out of nowhere. Rose fell straight into his arms and both of them teleported out. Not before Rose could get one last look at her Doctor.

He watched helplessly as the void closed itself one final time, never to be opened again, like a Pandora's box. He subconsciously let go of the clamp and began to walk numbly towards the wall, stunned to the core.

His Rose, she couldn't be gone. But he had just witnessed it. She probably would have survived if Pete hadn't caught her. The breach had sealed itself directly after he caught her.

He placed a hand on the wall, knowing his heart that Rose would be on the other side probably doing the same thing. He pressed his ear up to the wall, hoping that he could hear her one last time. All he had ringing through his ears was her death scream.

_**Sound the bugle now - play it just for me  
As the seasons change - remember how I used to be  
Now I can't go on - I can't even start  
I've got nothing left - just an empty heart**  
_He didn't want to believe that she had gone. She had spent the past 2 years with him and had probably been the most important of all of his companions. The only one that he had felt close too. Yeah he had had Sarah-Jane, Peri, Tegan, Ace, but Rose…Rose was yang to his yin. They each had a bit of each other in themselves. There had been a bond between them.

He could remember every thing he had ever said to her.

_I'm the Doctor by the way, what's your name?  
__Rose. _

_Nice to meet you Rose - run for your life!  
_

The beginning of the end he supposed and then she had promised to be with him forever after the very first adventure.

_I'm a Time Lord. I'm the last of the Time Lords. They're all gone. I'm the only survivor. I'm left travelling on my own cause there's no one else. _

_There's me._

She had loyally stuck by his side, through everything they had been through together, whether it be Slitheen, Dalek, Gelth, Reaper, Gas Mask Child, she had never even considered leaving. She had even absorbed the Time Vortex to keep him safe. He couldn't imagine any of his companions doing that.

_I want you safe... My Doctor. Protected from the false god_

Then he had regenerated and instead of abandoning him like most of his companions often did, she had stayed. She had tried to nurse him back to health, defended the planet instead of him, accepted who he had become- the same Doctor in a new body- and had steadfastly stayed by his side. But Rose had put him through a scare once, when he had been reunited with Sarah Jane. One of the few times he had ever suspected her of leaving him.

_How many of us have there been travelling with you? _

_Does it matter?_

_Yeah, it does if I'm just the latest in a long line. _

_As opposed to what? _

_I thought you and me were... I obviously got it wrong. I've been to the year 5 billion, right, but this... Now, this is really seeing the future. You just leave us behind. Is that what you're gonna do to me? _

_No. Not to you. _

_But Sarah Jane. You were that close to her once, and now, you never even mention her. Why not? _

_I don't age. I regenerate. But humans decay. You wither and you die. Imagine watching that happen to someone that you…_

_What, Doctor? _

_You can spend the rest of your life with me...but I can't spend the rest of mine with you. I have to live on. Alone. That's the curse of the Time Lords. _

But he had deserved that one. He should have told her about all of his companions, told her that he would one day have to leave her. Like he would have to leave her now. He pulled away from the wall and began to walk away completely broken, dejected and numb. He had said goodbye to all his other companions and what hurt the most was that the one who had meant the most to him had just vanished from him without any parting words. He didn't care anymore; both hearts were broken inside. For the first time ever.

_**I'm a soldier - wounded so I must give up the fight  
There's nothing more for me - lead me away...  
Or leave me lying here** _

He had been cold to Rose when Reinette had died. He had always left her without a single word of goodbye. Especially when he had gone to save Reinette, knowing he would be trapped within the 18th century world. He had snapped at her on that occasion and when they had gone to the parallel universe. On both times she should have left him. Told him he wasn't going to rule her life, but she had stuck with him. She had meant too much to him obviously.

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He had fixed it. He had found a small hole in the breach and had opened it. He only hoped now that Rose was listening to his pleas and was coming to meet him at that breach.

_You know what - they keep trying to split us up, but they never ever will. _

_Never say never ever. _

_Nah, we'll always be all right, you and me. _

She had been right, people had always tried to split them up and here he was getting them back together. For the last time though. This was probably the last time he would ever see Rose Tyler ever again. He had to make it count. The TARDIS alerted him to tell him she was there.

''Where are you?'' she asked, she looked so much older and alone in front of him. She was just a projection in front of him, like he was to her.

''Inside the TARDIS. There's one tiny little gap left in the universe, just about to close. And it takes a lot of power to send this projection; I'm in orbit around a supernova. I'm burning up a sun, just to say goodbye'', he replied with a sad smile.

''You look like a ghost'', she said weakly.

''Hold on'', he replied pointing the sonic screwdriver at the console to boost the signal, using more of the power, cutting the time they had together down. But at least he looked real to her now. She looked real to him now, no longer like the ghost he had feared she would have been if she had fallen into the breach.

''Can I touch?'' she asked raising her hand up to touch him, but he shook his head.

''I'm still just an image. No touch'', he warned.

''Can't you come through properly?'' she asked, even though it sounded like begging.

''The whole thing would fracture. Two universes would collapse'', he explained sadly, wishing he could touch her, wrap his arms around her, soothe her, comfort her, reassure her. All the things he had done when she was still with him.

''So?'' she smiled, she was quite proper to end the world to at least hug him. It sounded selfish, but he was hers.

''Where are we?'' he changed the subject ''Where did the gap come out?''

''We're in Norway'', she told him still smiling.

''Norway?'' he stated stunned. He had half expected it to come out on a little beach somewhere, Wales most likely. He felt a bit guilty dragging her all the way out to Norway ''Right''

''It's called Darlig Ulv Stranden'', she smiled, feeling like he needed to know where he had lugged her to now.

''Dalek?'' that was what he had heard.

''Darlig'', she repeated ''Its Norwegian for bad. This translates as Bad Wolf Bay…how long have you got?''

''About two minutes'', he replied, his hearts breaking for her.

''I can't think of what to say'' she broke down, what was there to say exactly?

The Doctor looked over her shoulder and could see three figures in the distance.

''You still got Mr Mickey then'', he nodded towards Mickey.

''There's five of us now'', Rose grinned ''Mum, Dad, Mickey and the baby''

''You're not?'' he asked softly. If she was pregnant, he couldn't think of anyone else more deserving. She deserved to have a little bit of happiness in her life now he was about to go.

''No it's Mum'', Rose laughed ''She's three months gone. More little Tylers on the way''

''And what about you?'' he asked, full of questions. He wanted to know that she was happy. If he knew she was happy without him, he could live with it ''What are you doing?''

''Yeah, I'm back working in the shop'', she sighed.

''Oh'', he replied surprised, expecting her to do more with her life ''Good for you''

''Shut up'', she warned him ''No I'm not. They said the Torchwood on this planet is open for business. I think I know a thing or two about aliens''

_Yeah considering you spent the best part of two years with one _he thought.

''Rose Tyler, Defender of the Earth'', he said grinning his trademark grin, but then something sprang to mind. Something that made him gulp and stop grinning ''You're dead, officially back home. So many people died that day, and you've gone missing. You're on the list of the dead''

Rose began to break down in tears knowing that her fate now lay here on this parallel Earth. There was no way she could return back to her home now.

''But here you are'', he reassured her, wanting to take her in his arms. It was one of these moments ''living a life day after day. One adventure I can never have''

She wanted to wipe her tears that were threatening to expel away but they were coming so she pushed the hair out of her face.

''Am I ever going to see you again?'' she asked hopefully. She wanted at least one good thing to look out for.

''You can't'', he said, his words quick and short and painless. He didn't want to go into detail.

''So what are you going to do now?'' she asked again.

''Oh'' he sighed, trying to sum up his future life without her in a few seconds ''I've got the TARDIS. Same old life, last of the Time Lords''

''On your own?'' she asked, the tears spilling down onto her pale damask cheeks

''Yes'' he nodded, now he wanted to cry. But he wouldn't.

''I lov…'' she stuttered, the words not wanting to come out, but they had to ''I love you''

He nodded, accepting her words.

''Quite right too'' he smiled warmly at her ''And I suppose if this is my last chance to say it''

He had loads of times to say it, but never felt any time was right to say it. This wasn't the right time to say it, but it was the only time and she needed to hear it.

''Rose Tyler'', he began, but she faded away from him. The connection was lost. A tear made its way down his right cheek followed a tear down his left as he mouthed the words I lo...before closing his mouth. He had to accept it.

**_Sound the bugle now - tell them I don't care  
There's not a road I know - that leads to anywhere  
Without a light I feel that I will - stumble in the dark  
Lay right down - decide not to go on_ **

He closed his eyes, wishing the pain would go away. But it wouldn't. He bowed his head, knowing that he had done this so many times before and he could do it now. He could continue living his life without Rose Tyler.

He put his head in his hands, and then ran them through his hair. He had to carry on without her and the only way he was going to do that was to find another companion. Someone else he could confide in, rescue when they got in trouble. Personally he didn't want to, but then again that was the curse of the Timelords.

**_Then from on high - somewhere in the distance  
There's a voice that calls - remember who your are  
If you lose yourself - your courage soon will follow  
So be strong tonight - remember who you are  
Ya you're a soldier now - fighting in a battle  
To be free once more -Yeah that's worth fighting for_**

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**For all of you reading A Way Back To Him, I am working on it, I promise you. I'm also working on my Thunderbirds fic Family Portrait at the same time. I have more ideas for that one though then I do for A Way Back To Him. But I'm not letting all of you on my alerts lists go without another chapter. I'll try and have the next chapter up by Saturday. Not promising that it'll be good, but I'm waffling, so maybe it'll be good as my other chapters from Chapter 2 onwards have been pure waffle...**

**Hoped you liked this fic anyway. **

XXX


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